Friday, December 08, 2006

Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness: If The War in Iraq Was Breakfast at Denny's

Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness: If The War in Iraq Was Breakfast at Denny's: "If The War in Iraq Was Breakfast at Denny's

Alternate slogan... 'Who Farted in My Mouth?'

CUSTOMER: I'd like the Grand Slam breakfast with scrambled eggs, buttermilk pancakes, and sausage links.

WAITER: Certainly, sir. I guarantee that this meal will exceed even the finest gourmet brunches of five-star hotels.

CUSTOMER: Kickass! (waiter leaves, customer reads newspaper. Five minutes passes)

WAITER #2: Sir, I regret to inform you that we've had to take the eggs off the menu. Apparently several customers have become violently ill after eating our scrumptious Denver Omelet.

CUSTOMER: Um... O.K. Say, what happened to the other waiter?

WAITER #2: He left to write the breakfast review column for The New Republic. Incidentally, sir, could you please pay up front? That'll be $13.50.

CUSTOMER: $13.50? It says $4.99 right here on the menu!


CUSTOMER: Fine, fine... I'm sorry. (gives the waiter the money, waiter leaves, begins reading the paper again. 10 minutes elapses.)

WAITER #3: Sir, you'll be happy to know that an independent commission of Denny's executives has been formed to discover why the sausage links are made of rancid, rabid Pomeranian meat. That'll be $40.

CUSTOMER: Who are... what the... dog meat?!? What the fuck?!?

WAITER #3: Please sir, keep it down. We've at least determined that the buttermilk pancake batter is the central front in the war on flesh-eating bacteria.

CUSTOMER: Fuck that noise, I'm leaving. My friend was right about this place all along, it's a cesspool full of disease and dishonest, slippery cretins.

WAITER #3: But THINK OF the customers in the waiting area! Now eat your Dog-sauge.

[end scene]

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Posted by Norbizness at December 8, 2006 12:15 PM"


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